By the way a conversation with Henry Rollins

av strambergare


Jag lyssnade på Jeff Garlins podcastsnack med Henry Rollins, det var rätt underhållande, Garlin är duktig på att framställa sig själv som en klassisk amerikansk idiot. Det är roligt och modigt. Hela samtalet var två timmar, och helt ärligt var jag nära på att ge upp nån gång efter en timme. MEN, SEN, hamnar Rollins i ett sjukt inspirerat monologstim vid typ en och en halvtimme, och det han säger är sjukt fint, så jag tar och transkriberar det ba för att ha tillgång till det när jag känner mig nere, en sån däringa tröstetext:

Here’s one of the things that motivates me, I come from the minimum wage working world. I have a high-school education and I did one semester at american university at Washington DC. I didn’t like it. It just wasn’t for me. And a student loan of one semester fairly crushed me. So I went into the minimum working wage world, when you do that for real, like summer jobs are one thing I’ve had those all my life. But sixty hours a week on your feet doing something, you come home and your feet are swollen inside your shoes. I grimly thought; This is me, this is what I’m gonna do, this is what I got.

So I got to be in a band and I got to go forward, I was very lucky I got to be in Black Flag and move on from there. And around 1984 it just happens to be that summer, I was 23 and I saw alot of very talented people around me not getting anywhere. I said I’ve better get plan B, C, D, E and F going, because music is not gonna sustain me, cause we would tour hard and be starving the whole time. Like alot of bands, you tour and get nothing. And so I started working on the writing, working on the talking shows. And round the late 80s Hollywood directors started saying; Yeah I saw you once play at my college you wanna be in my movie? I’m like; Yeah, I’ll try that. Can you act? I’m like; Yeah, can you pay, cuz I’ll work, I can’t act but I’ll try it. And so I always said yes to the work, cuz I knew what I had to go back to. I can flip burgers, I can park your car, I can take out your trash, I can walk your animal. That’s what I know, and I’m not saying I putting that work down, I’m just saying where I come from. And so I have no illusions.

I saw you in the newspaper. Good press agent. Oh, I saw you on TV. Good agent. It’s all mechanics to me, so I say yes to alot of work and i go at it, with a three, twentyfive an hour mindset. Like I just hit it. Like every show for me I agonize pre-show. I’m in the venue hours before, like; okay, don’t screw this up, Damocles sword hanging over my head by one horse hair. So I’m holding on. And the years have been really good for me, but I still go at it like; boy, is anyone gonna show up? Your show sold out. Really? REALLY? I still can’t believe anyone shows up. I fear my audience, I fear failing them, I fear that more than anything. That’s the only thing I truly fear. And again, I’m not a tough guy, but I fear letting them down. That’s why I answer pretty much every damn letter that comes in, I do every fanzine interview, post-show I meet every damn person that who wants to talk to me, because they showed up.

And without an audience you are the tree that falls in the forrest unheard and unwittnesed, and I would hate that for me, because I want you to read my book, hear what I have to say, I wanna tell you these stories. Like alot of performence types, it’s not about the money, we pay you to sit and laugh at us. I be like; please like me, please dig what I do. So I want nothing more than to come back next year and be able to lay it on you again and have you dig it. It’s like; you dug that? Thank you, that’s all I need, the money? Whatever, it’s great to be able to pay your mortgage or whatever, that’s fantastic, but it’s just icing on the cake. Fact that you get to keep doing it, that’s one of my main motivations that get’s me up and out. I’ve never dialed in a show, it’s always in the moment, live. I know what I’m gonna say, pretty much, I’m prepered, That’s preperation comes from fear of letting down someone who gave me their night. It’s not the ticket price, it’s the night, it’s the irretrievable time that they gave me, that is of the utmost importance. When you enter the adult world; babysitter, parking fee, a five a.m. wake up in a crap car to go to a cubicle and the guy on stage sucked the night before, it just adds more weight to your already bad burden. Like, don’t be that guy.

I don’t take myself seriously, but I take the thing dreadfully seriously. And again, I know where I come from, I never forgot it. That’s one of those thing that just kicks me in the ass forward. It’s perhaps my main motivator; fear-failiure.  Fear of letting people down, who trust me with their night. That’s the biggest thing, somehow besmirching that trust, you can’t do that to someone. You know, they’re being vulnerable. I’m sitting; Lay it on me. And when you go out there and your like; ah-well-uh-youkno-uh. How can yo do that to someone?! They’ve let their gaurd down and they’re listening to you, they’re taking it in, you can’t give anything but than your top shelf-gear. That’s why I go to all of these places, I wanna come on stage with a story where you’re like; get of out here, yeah!

And so I burn lean tissue, these trips are not cheap. Getting to these many destinations. They’re costly. So what? You put the money out there, you get that visa, and you go. Some of these visas takes years to get. North Korea, it took two years to get that visa. But I got myself there. So this is why I tour for fourteen months, I wish it was sixteen. I wish I could do twenty nights in Las Vegas. I used to go to Vegas, do one night at the House of Blues. And when I whenever I’m there, it was always George Carlin. Twentyfive nights, like sold out. I-I-,..damn, damn, check him out! I would love that! They love you for twentyfive nights, you sold that place out, I’d be like high-fiving myself! I mean it’s not like ”uh you make money”, forget that, it’s like ”damn they dig you, man! look at that!”. And I’ve had that weird thing  when he was alive, like three times in my life I was there when he was there,  guess he was there often. But I’m like; look at you there on the big screen. Damn, I couldn’t even get a ticket if I wanted. You earn that. And tp betray it on any level? Wooh… As you know in this buisness some people they don’t like their fans, they don’t like their own material, they’re miserable. I’m misearable when I’m not out there doing it. When I’m home, by the fifth trip to Trader Joes, I’m like; man…”. I like Trader Joes, I’m just saying I’m back at the grocery store again, I’m on the ten, I’m back…

Two of the only things that makes L.A. endurable for me, is my radio show on KCW and my little column at L.A. Weekly. It let’s me be analouge and have a pulse in this city. When I’m at the market ”Hey man, I liked the thing you wrote last week!” And I love writing about local bands and to see local show. I like to be from somewhere. You can be very anonymous in L.A., as Jeffrey Lee Pierce once said; It’s nobody’s city. It’s one of those places and they’re from elsewhere coming to make it. I’m from Washington DC, I’m not from here. I’d rather be out there; got a show tonight got a show tomorrow night, gotta stay with it, gotta stay tight. And when I come home I go side to side a little to much. You know, take too many naps.

Jädrar, det där var jobbigt, det där gör jag inte gärna om.